just a dream about my whole life
I saw a dream tonight
I was laying in the middle of a big, beautiful church
My mum was beside me
She wanted to make me get up on my feet
My sisters too
But I couldn't
I was laying with no straight in my body
I wanted to cry
but no tears was showed up
Someone came near and told me to get up
He was a police with a military clothes
with a star on his shoulder
He told me again with a louder voice
- You can not lay here, You have to get up!
I was pissed off and told him to go away, that he has nothing to do with this.
He saw me and sat beside me a little bit and then he took my hands and took me up
He took me to a place there we could sit and then we begin to talk.
He was on his way to go away after talking
I get up too and went after him.
It was like if he had told me that he loved me,
but I couldn't because I was in love with someone.
But in the same time, I was feeling like I needed him
That he was important to me
that I didn't want to lose him just because
I was in love with someone doesn't even love me back
someone who just fooled around with me
I can fall in love with him by the time, cause he was really gentle and true.
And forget the man I was in love with
And when he saw that I was walking behind him
He just turned around and told me to go back
I nodded and looked down
He laid his hand on my head and then he took up my face so he could see me
He looked at me with thus gentle eyes and smiled
He was not like my dream prince
But he was cute
He was tall, around 180 cm
thin, with muscle body
with a dark brown hair, like mine but short off course
brown eyes, nice like mine
and had even moustache, like my dads', but a bit thinner
I smiled back
He asked why I was walking behind him
- I don't know, but I couldn't let you go.
That's right that I don't love you like you want.
But you really are important to me and I don't want to lose you. I do love you but in a special way.
I really was in love with him,
His love was pure and calm
His love made me see better and was making me feel like I am in this life
He didn't make me feel like I am in a dream.
He made me feel happy in a calmer way
Not like the man I was in love did
The youngest boy made me feel so strong feelings
as strong as I couldn't handle it
He made me jump and dance when he talked nicely
and cry the nights along when he didn't
His love just made me feel like I am dreaming
I wasn't feeling that I am in this world
And this time I really wanted this love of calmness
Because I cant just live in a dream
I wanted to live in the reality
We had decided that he would come to my house and asked for my hand from my mother.
The day which was about coming and asking for my hand from my mother came
I was walking in a town square
Was seeing my phone
open it and then close it
like I always do when I'm thinking
I was thinking if I made the right decision
If its right to marry one, while I am in love with someone else
what should I do?
But I really was tired
tired of this life
tired of being fooled by the one I loved
Tired of waiting to see when he would really fall in love with me
It will never happen anyway
Then I decided to really marry that person who loved me
and be faithful in whole my life to him
I will love him like he wants
and do my best to make him happy
The day came to be married
I was warring a light green dress
really beautiful dress like the wedding-dress
and was the day we would write on papers, about being married
but something happened this time
he didn't come
then my brothers looked for him and found him in a street with his things
He was laying down dead
He had left a letter on thus things which was for me
I couldn't keep my self up on my feet
I sat on the ground and opened the letter which was bloody
I tried to read it, but I couldn't because of the tears which was streaming
I really loved him at that time and it really hurted me to see him laying like that dead
I let my brother read it
he read just a bit of it, which was about the things and stuff,
but didn't read the other paper,
because the pther paper was speacially for me
The things was for me
It was my wedding things and many other things which he wanted to gave me
even his things was there too
I went close to him
he was bloody
was shotten to death
I took his hand and wanted to shoot his name aloud
I wanted to see him once again
I wanted at least to kiss him in my wedding-day
I wanted to live my life with him
I cried of my pain
It wasn't fear
I hated everyone
Didn't want to live in this awful life
Nothing was important to me any longer
A few years later I was walking in a shop
The shop had his things
Things which he had made
and things which was his own
my eyes was stopped at a clock
It was old and little
but beautiful
It was like the old clock with a pendulum
Under the clock was some words which was written
I looked at it and saw that was the youngest boy who had written it
and then I looked and there was a letter from him too
which was so old
I open it and saw what was written in it. And then I just laid it at the place where it was.
I didn't want anything longer
Nothing from this life
I was just living my life and waiting
for that time when I had to travel to the another world
Nothing more