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I am unable to control my thoughts sometimes
Because of the bount of thoughts which been mixed in my head
Sometimes I need someone near me
To get me out of this darkness of mixed thoughts
I need you sometimes
I need someone to calm my thoughts down
To help me out of this madness I would be in

Right now I just want to go to a warm place
Near the sea and some exotic trees
Sitting close to you at the beach
Calm my thoughts and have some peace
Nothing els
Even if it was just for a day.

Looking carefully at the innocent soul which been newly born. Feel the quietly beating heart of this angel I am holding. Feel the wormth and smothness of her body. Looking at her face while she is sleeping. She suddenly smiles and holds my finger harder. And my heart jumped at that moment of the happiness. She is soo little that I am afraid to fall from my arms. GOD I feel as I want to protect her from everything. Her hands are soo small and thin. Her body is so little and thin. I am afraid to hold her too hard so she won't get hurt. My heart melt for this child. She took my heart and my brain from the first day I met her. She smells good, as the breeze of the early morning at the spring. Her screaming voice is so warmly and heartbreaking. Her voice is so smothly and lovely. She charms everyone close to her with her pure and beautiful soul. She sleep at your chest as if she wants to hear your beating heart. She lays her two hands at your chest and fall asleep while hearing your beating heart as a good-night-story.
When you let go of her, it would be like being apart from your heart. Something will be missing till you will see her again, smell her and hold her in your arms.
If something bothers her, you try to get ride of it. You would be like a tiger who wants to protect her children if just someone wants to hurt her. You pray to GOD to protect her from every harm, to rise her up into a pure, wise and gentle lady and to be able to be happy in her whole life.

It's a bit funny with my dreams
Sometimes I get waken by laughing
sometimes I get waken by crying
Or sometimes I wake up when my heart beats so fast

Today I was so tired, because of the "ahia" we did yesterday, mum and I were the only ones who made it this time. It was a bit hard to read, since I never went to school.. but I did good jobb. Next time I will be better in reading..

So today when I came from school I ate with mum and then just slept without noticing. And in that moment I was asleep I saw a dream.. Well I see a dream even if I just was a sleep less than 3 minutes...

I saw that my white T-shirt had become so colored and beautiful. It had some pictures of sunset and some other nice pic's.I felt happy and began to finnish fixing my clothes. Later I sat somewhere, waiting for something. I wasn't sitting alone, some other people were sitting beside me. I might be in a office or in a school.. And because of the long waiting, I began to feel borred. So I took up my fruit which I had in my bag and began to eat it. Later I began to imagine something in my mind.. And I couldn't let go of smiling. I imagined, that the rest of my fruit could be throughn at someone in that office, thous who are just sitting there without doing something and we were just sitting there and waiting. And a minute later I imaganed much better image in my mind. That if I had an egg I could through it on the person who were sitting infront of me, and when I imagined how the person would react, with the rest of egg on his face. I couldn't let go of laughing so loud. And with that I woke up because of the feeling of laughing in my stomach.

When I woke up couldn't wonder what a really strange and funny dream I had. But it was really happy dream, sort of.

I wonder why I imagine things so often, even in the reality and began to laugh so deep. Just because of an imagination I had.  I think I even like to imagine that much. It's entertaining sometimes. ^^

I have a feeling of wanting to lay on a calm water of a lake
Just to shut my eyes and feel as if I'm flying freely
want to lay calmly without moving
And feel the softly wind touch my face nicely

Feel the warming sunlight on my body and on my face

Want to be able to shut my mind from everything it might think of

To just rest my mind and soul

To just have a moment of calmness and peace

I wish I could fly
Fly free in the blue sky
I wish my brain was empty with no thoughts
thoughts which are driving me into madness
my darling I wish I had powers..
To get some answers for my quastions
To learn everything without any help
So I would have the strength to do whatever I desire

I wish at least to have the power to stop the streaming tears