Welcome!

Sitting here under the shower
the warm water is hitting me like needles
My mind is so confused
even my soul
The world is going just around me
to make me more lost
I dont know if it's the water
or the tears streaming from my eyes
I just wish I wasn't born
into this impossible-understanding-world
I lied down and wished I could disapear
I made my self so small I could
but it didnt work to be really small
I turned it more warm water than it was
I felt like whole my skin tured to red and began to burn
maybe it would awaking me from this nightmare I have

The warm water would at least be just a little punnishment
of my weakness
maybe it would take away my sorrow
I wish I could just disapear from this world
so I won't make more misstakes than I allready have
I just wish I wasn't alive
so I won't make them more dispointed
I am not like them
And I can't be like them
All I do is to make them be shamed of me
All I do is to take them down
All I wished was to see them happy once
just to make them proud of me
and look what I have done
just have made them dissapointed
that's all what I can

I blame them for not showing me some love
I blame them to teeling me what to do
But the real reason is that I am worthless
I can do nothing in this world
as human I am good for nothing
And I have no good behavior to them
thous I love
I make them just sad and disapointed
But the truth I am nothing without them
I can't even take a single step without my lovely mother
not even my lovely sister which I argue with
every single minute
I love them with all I've got
And I really want to be that person who they can be proud of
If just I could be someone else...